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The Sporadic Chronicle
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27 Oct 2005
Iranian government in "wants Israel wiped off the map" shock. This is not news. The exact same thing was said two years ago, when Iranian ballistic missiles able to reach Israel went on parade:
... the enormous Shehab-3 missiles were rolled out painted with the messages, "We will crush America under our feet' and "Israel must be wiped off the map."
The Iranian nuclear program is, of course, for entirely peaceful civilian power generation. I mean, how else can Iran hope to generate electricity and what on Earth would Iran want nuclear weapons for?
24 Oct 2005
It's a sad reflection on the state of the Conservative party that I really have absolutely no idea who either of their leadership candidates are. They both have a full head of suitably prime-ministerial hair, which is obviously important. Certainly a greater electoral asset than the hapless Mekon features of William Hague and the shiny egg-like head of the other one. That was the most I knew about them until I read this puff piece for David Cameron by Neil Clark in the Graudian. Cameron apparently "supports the Iraq war" (tyrants baaad, toppling tyrants gooood), "supports tax cuts" (who doesn't?), "opposes EU social policies" (yay!) and for good measure he even "has neocon associations" to provoke entertaining paranoia in lefty journalists. Hmmm... on closer reading I think Clark meant all those things in a bad way. Takes all sorts, I suppose.

PS: Surely some mistake?
24 Oct 2005
Genius Idea Of The Week comes from a Guardian reader: "The Motor industry must be sovietised". To ram home their strong grasp on reality, the innovator points out that "if supply exceeds demand it must be rationed", because obviously those are the circumstances in which rationing makes most sense.
24 Oct 2005
Brazil, which has a high murder rate, has voted on whether to outlaw sale and possession of firearms:
So what happened? To outsiders, this referendum looked like a no-brainer.
Indeed it did.
In a country where one person is killed with a gun every 15 minutes, surely the public ...
...would not want to be disarmed when the police are so obviously unable to guarantee their safety?
...would vote in favour of an outright ban on gun sales?
Oh. That's a surprise to me, and probably to the Brazilian electorate who defeated the law by a nearly 2/3 majority. When openly armed gangs - which are already illegal - guard drug peddlars and people "say they fear police violence more than drug traffickers" I think there are higher law enforcement priorities than disarming the law-abiding.
"We didn't lose because Brazilians like guns. We lost because people don't have confidence in the government or the police," said Denis Mizne, of anti-violence group Sou da Paz.
I agree entirely. While people have no confidence in the rule of law and its enforcement they will, quite rationally, choose to defend themselves through their own means. Of course some very well-meaning people are complaining that the 'No' campaign "played on people’s fears: that police cannot effectively protect them" which seems an odd complaint. The Brazlian police clearly are ineffective, so of course people will say it. Dr. Silvio Julio has an innovative explanation for the result in comments at the Guardian:
The No vote won because the majority of Brasillians thought No meant no guns.
Erm, riiiight. Or it might be because of the arguments presented:
The "No" campaign made the point that criminals do not buy guns legally in shops, where customers are subject to strict background checks. Instead, it pointed to the extensive black market in smuggled weapons, arguing that clandestine firearms would remain untouched by a ban on legal sales. As a result, millions of voters reached the conclusion that a ban would leave criminals heavily armed, and honest citizens without a lawful means of self-defence. ... Without doubt, the "No" campaign worked hard to win the referendum. But at times, the "Yes" campaign seemed to be doing its best to lose it. [They were] heavy in celebrity razzamatazz, and light in penetrating argument.
To recap: The "No ban" argument was gritty and realistic, while the "Yes to a ban" argument was lightweight glitzy feelgood nonsense.
23 Oct 2005
'Car And Driver' magazine goes to Baghdad. The usual car magazine prattle about horsepower, torque, ambushes and tragicomic animal abuse:
Daily reports include notes like, "Wires noticed sticking out of dead goat on roadside; goat detonated by EOD" (a.k.a. the bomb squad). Recently, insurgents shoved an artillery shell into a cow's butt and then herded it onto the roadway in front of a convoy in the hope of detonating it. Instead, the cow shat the 105mm suppository right back out. The only casualty was the cow's rectum.

But the Oscar goes to...the "donkey bomb," in which an insurgent tried to strap a saddlebag full of explosives and a cell-phone-activated detonator onto a donkey he tried to drag out into traffic. Donkeys being as stubborn as they are, the animal wouldn't move. Then someone called the guy on his cell phone...
It's mentioned that wires are sometimes stretched across the road to try and kill guys who poke their heads out of the top, but the vehicles all seem to lack the cheap and cheerful "anti-decapitation" wire-cutter popular on the jeeps of 60 years ago.
23 Oct 2005
Fire-related things:
21 Oct 2005
Things which are maybe worth a perusal:
20 Oct 2005
A Guardian journalist's been kidnapped in Baghdad. Fingers crossed for him. I wonder how long until the Guardian runs with a wild conspiracy theory that he's been kidnapped by the Americans? Don't see why they won't - they did exactly that a year ago.
[Update: he's been released.]
20 Oct 2005
Terrible news of a brutal American atrocity has just broken from Afghanistan. This one's so bad I can hardly bring myself to write about it. The yankee aggressors... burnt the bodies of two dead taliban fighters! As if that were not in itself sufficient to warrant war crimes prosecutions and non-stop television, radio and newspaper coverage the horror gets worse...

(Brief pause inserted to allow the reader to recover from nausea and fortify themselves with smelling salts and brandy before further disturbing details are revealed...)

The brutality was compounded by what can only be described as "deeply insulting taunts" directed towards the taliban. Specific taunts included the allegation that they were "cowardly dogs" and "lady boys" who "run away like women".
20 Oct 2005
Alongside bird flu, snake proliferation, rogue elephants and idiot education authorities we've got another thing to worry about: amphibious rats.
18 Oct 2005
Photos for no particular importance, for no particular reason:
Wooden circles, wooden squares Rust and paint Leave the little fishies alone Just in case
18 Oct 2005
A chimpanzee who paints. In Russian, via memepool.
18 Oct 2005
This is disheartening:
At any time in the UK, the crews of four RAF Tornado fighter jets are ready to scramble and shoot down a plane being used as a terrorist weapon. ... Their target on the drill I watched was to launch a Tornado fighter within 10 minutes.
Bloody awful, isn't it? Ten minutes to get a fighter plane airborne - that's an eternity.
18 Oct 2005
Trying to predict flu outbreaks by trading in flu futures (or flu-tures as the headline puts it). As people put their money where their mouth is when they bet on the likelihood of an outbreak they have an interest in making the most informed bet they can.
17 Oct 2005
As the Conservative leadership race drags tediously on, up pops news that BAT has a cigarette factory in North Korea. From the Grauniad:
BAT confirmed that Mr Clarke, who has been on the company's payroll since 1998, was aware of the decision to invest in North Korea. The firm has also said that as chair of BAT's corporate social responsibility audit committee, Mr Clarke "would oversee human rights reports on all countries where we operate".
Remember how Ken Clarke's "the only tory leader who can beat Labour"? Because cigarettes and tyranny have always been a winning PR combination.
17 Oct 2005
Still on matters North Korean, have a look at pyongyang metro.com, which features all the photos, maps, statistics and train information about the Pyongyang metro you'll ever need. There's even top quality bloody awful music.
17 Oct 2005
As I was watching 'Dispatches' about North Korea this evening I was wondering how the people over at the "We love the North Korean government" forum would take it.
Quite badly, as it turns out. Kim-Jong-Il's top British goblin Dermot Hudson gets right to it: "It looks like it has been made with the involvement of the south Korean NIS and the CIA". Ah, yes, the old "blame the CIA" trick. Always effective. But Laura Fairhead (author of such works as "Journey to the People's Paradise") seems to have taken it really personally: "I had to really grit my teeth not because this program was extremely nauseating and patronising (which it was) but also because it was incredibly offensive and hateful. This made me see a darkness yes, the darkness of capitalism!"
The darkness, yes, the darkness! This is strange, because it's North Korea which is dark.
11 Oct 2005
What a barking loony: "Comrades, we need a new clover-leaf science and philosophy!" - and it goes downhill from there. He's also a professor of philosophy, apparently.
10 Oct 2005
Nottingham Against Incineration and Landfill. I'm a little unclear on what they expect to happen to their rubbish, then. Don't get me wrong: reducing, reusing and recycling are all super. But after you've reduced and reused and recycled you're still going to produce some rubbish and it's got to go somewhere. And if you don't burn it, and you don't throw it in a hole in the ground then... I don't know where it goes. Nottingham Against Incineration and Landfill certainly don't say.
10 Oct 2005
This an open letter to all the world's web developers who use Javascript.
Dear web developer who uses Javascript,
 No, I do not want to debug your runtime error.
 Thankyou.

  Best regards,
    Rob
And don't get me started on Javascript pop-up windows...
10 Oct 2005
Squander Two's on fine form today with links to the sort of stuff that would be dismissed as delusional if they ever appeared in works of fiction. It's not every day you get to see a 200 foot long pink knitted rabbit that's plunged to its death on a mountaintop.
09 Oct 2005
Good gallery of yankee shipwrecks, and of wartime anti-aircraft forts in the Thames estuary.
08 Oct 2005
Zimbabwean government, 9 months ago: there is plentiful food and perfectly good harvests, talk of food shortages is defeatist propaganda and British lies.
Zimbabwean government, now: we're short of food and need help to feed millions, but this isn't any kind of "food shortage" as such.
Zimbabwean soldiers, now: we've been sent home because the army can't feed us.

Being quite a connaisseur of lunatic conspiracy theories I'm gutted to have missed this, back in June:
A state-run newspaper in Zimbabwe has suggested the UK and US are to blame for droughts in southern Africa. ...
[The Herald] said weather was being manipulated for political gain using unspecified "unconventional" chemical weapons. ...
The Zimbabwe Herald article is wonderfully entertaining. Apparently Britain and America have been either spraying water-absorbing agents into the atmosphere at an altitude of 400km, or releasing clouds of microscopic robots which are as cheap to make as a small sack of potatoes. At least that's according to "investigations by The Herald", which seem to consist of reading conspiracy websites. Note also how the accuracy of a famine warning by the Famine Early Warning Systems Network while the Zimbabwean government was denying a problem existed is used as sinister evidence of US government involvement.
05 Oct 2005
The people at the Flood Film Project have a mission:
We exist to fulfill a mission --bringing about the production of an action/drama film on Noah's Flood that is both biblically and scientifically accurate, reflecting the universal flooding (Genesis 6-9) of a Young Earth in accord with Exodus 20:11.
Maybe these people could provide them with a perfect shooting location.
05 Oct 2005
Multiplying one big speculative number by another speculative number can produce a big newsworthy number, a UK expert has discovered.
05 Oct 2005
The mission of the Stalin Society is "to refute capitalist, revisionist, opportunist and Trotskyist propaganda directed against him". Their online presentations include such classics as: Their pamphlets are available for sale.
04 Oct 2005
After yesterday's effort by Sorcha Faal I thought I'd seen the most daring attempt to spin an absurd story around an explosion based soley on anonymous - and I suspect non-existent - intelligence agency sources. But no, she's been resoundingly trumped by my old favourite Wayne Madsen, who is currently on the run in fear of his life following a tip-off from an anonymous - and I suspect non-existent - intelligence agency source that the government wants him killed.
You may remember the USS Cole, which was attacked with a boat full of explosives in Aden harbour 5 years ago. Not according to Wayne Madsen. According to him and his amazing anonymous - and I suspect non-existent - intelligence agency sources...
The former CIA agent who worked with the FBI's Joint Terrorism Task Force in New York and New Jersey stated that the USS Cole was hit by a specially-configured Popeye cruise missile launched from an Israeli Dolphin-class submarine. ... The ex-CIA agent also stated that [the investigators were thrown] out of Yemen lest their investigation began uncovering evidence that the Cole was not blown up by an explosive-laden boat but by an Israeli cruise missile.
This is beyond absurd. If he is to be believed then not only did the Israelis blow up an American warship but they managed to do it with a missile which nobody saw, cunningly timed to arrive at the target at the exact same moment as a small boat driven by two Arabs.
03 Oct 2005
Oh. My. God:
[A cancer patient] went to see Graham King, a Reiki healer employed at University College London Hospital (UCLH) whose work is part-funded by the NHS.
Reiki being the ancient Oriental art of taking money off someone by mumbling some nonsense about unspecified "energy" while wafting your hands, or possibly a crystal, over them. If people want to throw their own money at such quacks then that's their bad luck, but that it's funded by the NHS makes me so angry I feel I want to punch someone.
And it doesn't look like UCLH is alone.
03 Oct 2005
After some time away, Scott makes a welcome return.
03 Oct 2005
Congratulations of a sort are due to (ahem) "independent journalist" Sorcha Faal for providing the most, erm, innovative interpretation of what looks a whole lot like a failed suicide bombing in Oklahoma the other day. A man exploded because...
Russian Intelligence sources are reporting today that a United States Senator, Jim Inhofe, was rescued by secret US Army Military Forces after an assassination attempt was made on his life and which ended in the attackers being killed by what these reports describe as a 'guided munitions missile' fired from an Apache Attack helicopter, and which destroyed the attackers in their vehicle in their escape attempt. ...
It gets better. According to these anonymous "Russian Intelligence sources", Inhofe was targetted for assassination by the US military because he was opposing their devious plots. So it makes perfect sense that he was rescued and the assassins were killed by the US military, right?
03 Oct 2005
Surprising new research shows that eating junk can make you a fat junk-eater:
New research shows that adolescents who eat large amounts of fried food away from home are heavier and more likely to have a poor-quality diet. ...
Hooray for research, once more telling us something we didn't already know.
02 Oct 2005
Nutters sometimes produce comic gold. Nature reserves have been set up for privacy-seeking aliens to hide in, and it gets a whole lot worse:
There are many areas on the planet that have "geo-thermal" hot springs. Some of these are not natural at all. The heated, odoriferous waters from the non-natural ones, such as the one in the hills near Salmon, Idaho, come from alien sewage systems. Can you imagine the sick joke that the aliens are playing on humans who frequent these waters for bathing and health reasons?
Quick, someone tell the entire population of Iceland!
02 Oct 2005
As Bali is bombed again, there's hardly time for bodies to cool before the conspiracy theorists get to work:
The bombs were supposedly detonated by suicide bombers and yet three unexploded bombs were found after the mobile phone networks were shut down, suggesting that all the bombs were designed to be remotely detonated. Detonation by remote mobile phones is a classic Mossad modus operandi.
Blame Mossad - it's fun and easy!
In other suicide bombing news, a man exploded near a crowded stadium in Oklahoma. Fortunately nobody was hurt. Investigations continue.
28 Sept 2005
Top quality crankery on various subjects can be found at Xee-a 12, including... And there's geopolitical analysis, such as "For example, the relationship between the Reptilian-influenced Uzbekistan and the Vulturite-influenced USA is now severely strained."
28 Sept 2005
Splendid paranoia from the inpatients at The Truth Seeker as Noam Chomsky is revealed to be... a controlled asset of George Bush and the neocon imperialists.
26 Sept 2005
A good sunset picture today over at ESPoD, who are to be doubly congratulated for using the word "crepuscular".
26 Sept 2005
In the silliest overtechnical move since using iris scanners to charge for dinners, a school will use fingerprint scanners to record attendance:
The head teacher said it would aid self-registration and cut teachers' administrative workloads.
Youngsters will use check-in stations each morning, where the technology will identify and verify who they are.
The parents of any absentees will be notified using text messages on their mobile phones.
It's entirely possible there's something I'm missing, but doesn't this only "cut teachers' administrative workloads" if they stop taking a register to check that pupils are present in class? In which case there's nothing to stop children using the check-in station in the morning, then bunking off school for the rest of the day in the knowledge that teachers won't notice they're missing because the "administrative workload" of checking everyone's there has been removed.
25 Sept 2005
The First Church of Shatnerology is sort of like Scientology, but with William Shatner:
we worship the holy essences of the most benevolent ShatnerBeing! We are transfixed by his magnificent TOUPEE and girth!

24 Sept 2005
Given that some people think "the Bush administration are creating these hurricanes to steal billions", I expected it wouldn't take long for someone to find a sinister hand behind the fire yesterday aboard a bus of evacuees which left 24 dead. And sure enough, scroll down the page:
Bush administration getting better and better at making hurricane landscape look like Israeli terror zones
September 23/2005 - As hurricane Rita bears down on the Gulf coast of the United States it becomes clearer and clearer that the Bush administration's quest to turn the United States into a chaotic war zone with images of third world death everywhere, are becoming more and more successful. ...
How many of us believe that a bus full of hurricane Rita evacuees on their way to safety would end up nothing but a pile of charred wreckage? ...
Bush is delivering this terror in the way of real-life covert activites. The people that carry out these kinds of acts are the CIA and other special forces...
They also seem to think the US government is causing earthquakes. Quite certifiable.
22 Sept 2005
fruitarian.com - "We eat raw fruit only…and we feel GREAT !!!!" Yum. This guy seems to have woven some sort of whole new offshoot of Christianity around the notion that Jesus advocated Extreme Fruitarianism. And there's a religious angle to this 'detox retreat':
Jesus also explained how to make and do a colonic irrigation. Jesus said that unless you eliminate Satan from your intestines, you can not have perfect health.
I never knew that.
22 Sept 2005
Oh happy day, I've found another news source direct from the workers' paradise of North Korea - 'The Pyongyang Times'. At last a site which can satisfy even the most voracious appetite for reports of Kim Jong Il inspecting army units. I can't help but notice the Dear Leader's habit of wearing shades indoors. For some reason it sort of reminded me of someone...
Man wearing funny shades indoors Man wearing funny shades indoors Man wearing funny shades indoors Man wearing funny shades indoors Man wearing funny shades indoors
Kim Jong Il: frustrated rock star?
19 Sept 2005
Radar images of migrating bird flocks today, at Earth Science Picture of the Day.
18 Sept 2005
Funniest reaction ever to 'Team America, World Police', over at the 'We Love the North Korean Government' forum:
beloved general Kim Jong Il is a puppet character... I am terrored! A film has just arrived on the markets of Cameroon, this film the American Police Team or some name that is similar. My nephew, purchased this and asked me to watch because he said is had something to do with DPRK. The shock I see! The general, beloved general, Kim Jong Il is a puppet character in this film and speaking the most offending things! ... They make the Dear Leader to be evil man, and lonely man. They find risible the undying love of the Korean people? They think the leadership of DPRK and the revolution is a joke? Forgive me for saying but makers of this film are bastard people! I denounce them and curse them! Bastard people! Can we not complain to someone about such slander? Why has not the KCNA denounced this piece of capitalist propaganda? To think that they make light of the general and debase his greatness!
Unintentional comedy is so often the funniest sort.
18 Sept 2005
Oh goodness, what a loon:
the rip off of the american space program and black ops programs including the use of USA provided military satellites to manipulate storms such as katrina and their attempt complicit with FEMA and Homeland Security to abscond with an american city ...
There are loads of audio files, and in the one I'm listening to now he's going on about the US military and IMF using satellites to make hurricane Katrina stronger and steer it into New Orleans. He's into astronomy, too:
so what happened with the may 2004 comet project listed below ... my email was hacked by government programmers ... anyone who emailed me with real photos were contacted and harassed and of the people who submitted photos of the comet spikes their pictures were surgically removed from their emails ... the email address that i set up to use to send and receive emails about this project was hi-jacked and they (the gov spooks) began using it to sent mass e-mailings advertising pornography sites ...

18 Sept 2005
If you're very concerned for your safety and have half a million dollars to spare you can live in an Ultimate Secure Home, which is sort of like a fortified Hobbit hole.
18 Sept 2005
These people are rebuilding Noah's ark because Richard had a vision. Oh well, I suppose everyone needs a hobby. Note that their ark is not designed to float.
17 Sept 2005
The gallery of airborne cats features concentration, aggression and an ability to walk up walls.
17 Sept 2005
Still on a North Korean theme, the parody writings of Beloved Leader ("on-the-spot whimsy and wisdom from a Benevolent Despot"), Juche Girl ("I love Dear Leader Kim Jong Il") and Songun Blog ("Single-mindedly united as one under the Banner of Songun held aloft by the Dear Leader ...") are all worth a read.
17 Sept 2005
The official website of North Korea includes - of all things - an FAQ list, with the vital information that we will soon be able to buy signed photographs of Leader Kim Jong Il (ohmygod I can hardly wait). Tucked among the news that no, you most certainly cannot go to North Korea to work, nor to join the army (people really ask them that?) nor travel without supervisory goons, is this gem:
10. I've heard that everbody starves in North Korea. How is the food situation?

It is no secret that there was a crisis during the mid 1990's in the DPRK. Because of the collapse of the Soviet Union, and due to the isolation caused by US embargo and sanctions, the country suffered a difficult period. A natural disaster caused floodings, and combined with the other factors, it created a period which we now call the "Arduous March" where the DPRK had to recover from this situation, and the collapse of the Soviet union while still unduring hostilities by the US who continually to this day try to stifle and isolate the DPRK. Since the end of the 1990's and around year 2000, the country has completely recovered from the "Arduous March" and has survived as a country which has now become even stronger and more independant than before.
So, erm, that's pretty much a "yes, we starve" then.

Note that although running dog lackey foreigners cannot travel without goons guides to accompany them, they can visit the workers' paradise in official tours. They've even got photo albums showing you some of the tempting delights. These include statues of Kim Il Sung and wildly applauding crowds, statues of Kim Il Sung, toiling, statues of Kim Il Sung, murals of Kim Il Sung and statues of Kim Il Sung. Don't forget the statues of Kim Il Sung and great musical entertainment.

Oh goodness - a discussion forum.
16 Sept 2005
Kim Jong Il's been busy this week, giving practical hands-on advice to both a fireproof materials factory and a duck farm. If I have any regular readers, they may remember this is not the first time Kim Jong Il has shared his duck farming expertise with a grateful nation.
15 Sept 2005
Invasion of the mutant squirrels:
White squirrels, a mutation from invading gray squirrels, are starting to find a home in Scottish cities.
The Scotsman reports that the albino squirrels generally survive only a few weeks in the wild because they show up bright and clear against trees and earth, making them an easy target for predators. In Edinburgh and other urban areas, however, their coloring is good camouflage against white buildings. ...
More about white squirrels at the White Squirrel Research Institute.
15 Sept 2005
Award-winning Middle East and steam train correspondent Robert Fisk, writing in today's 'Independent':
There will not be a civil war in Iraq. There never has been a civil war in Iraq. In 1920, Lloyd George warned of civil war in Iraq if the British Army left. Just as the Americans now threaten the Iraqis with civil war if they leave. As early as 2003, American spokesmen warned that there would be civil war if US forces left. ...
That an Iraqi civil war is a preposterous bogeyman dreamt up by the Americans to justify their continued presence is Fisk's firm position. His own editors, it seems, don't take him seriously. Today's 'Independent' leader article:
It is increasingly clear that what lies behind much of the violence is sectarianism. Tit-for-tat killings between Shia and Sunni militants are escalating. The suicide attacks orchestrated by the al-Qa'ida leader, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, are clearly designed to exacerbate sectarian tensions. And it appears that, after many months of restraint, the Shia of Iraq are beginning to respond in kind. The spread of the violence to Basra in the Shia-dominated south is a distinctly ominous sign. ...
Fisk dismissing the notion of Iraqi civil war, 14 March 2004:
The Americans and British warned of the dangers of civil war - so did the journalists, of course - although no Iraqi had ever been heard to utter any demand for conflict with their fellow citizens. Who actually wanted this "civil war"? Why would the Sunnis - a minority in the country - allow "al-Qaeda" to bring this about when they could not defeat the occupying power without at least passive Shia support?
And again, on 09 April 2004:
Then as winter approached and Saddam was caught and the anti-American resistance continued, the occupying powers and their favourite journalists began to warn of civil war, something no Iraqi has ever indulged in and which no Iraqi has ever been heard discussing. Iraq was now to be frightened into submission. What would happen if the Americans and British left? Civil war, of course. And we don't want civil war, do we?
Those crazy favourite journalists of the occupying powers pumping out groundless warnings of civil war included, erm, Robert Fisk on 19 March 2003:
The nightmare is not so much the cruel bombardment of Iraq, whose inevitability is now assured, as the growing conviction that the Anglo-American invasion will provoke a civil war, of Shia against Sunnis, of Sunnis against Kurds, of Kurds and Turkomans.
And Robert Fisk announcing the start of an Iraqi civil war, 30 August 2003:
For what is happening, in the Sunni heartland around Baghdad and now in the burgeoning Shia nation to the south, is not just the back-draft of an invasion or even a growing guerrilla war against occupation. It is the start of a civil war in Iraq that will consume the entire nation if its new rulers do not abandon their neo-conservative fantasies and implore the world to share the future of the country with them.

13 Sept 2005
The North Korean Central News Agency is urging the elimination of flunkeyist traitors, and exposing the traitors' shameless intention:
According to the documents, Japan raised a brigandish demand ...

13 Sept 2005
Can anyone help me make sense of the letter to Saturday's 'Independent' by Walter Grey?
Sir: Part of the blame for the shambolic start to America's Hurricane Katrina distress relief has been attributed to America's federal constitution, separating the powers of local, state and federal authorities strictly from one another. So much, then for the oft-repeated Europhobe threat of a "federal superstate" (a contraction [sic] in terms), with all power concentrated in Brussels.
As far as I can see this translates as follows:
The Americans have really messed up the hurricane rescue effort. That's certainly one in the eye for those little-englanders concerned about the EU.
How are these issues even remotely related?
13 Sept 2005
Reassurance from the Arab News agony column:
Anyone who is leading a normal life is unlikely to ever meet a person who practices black magic. ...
Inshallah!
10 Sept 2005
Science news:
While Pravda reports that "Meditation and yoga make you a clairvoyant", India Daily brings us news of universal mind-reading machines under development.
Astounding stuff, but not half as surprising as the revelation that "fridge magnets are impossible according to today's science", the whole of modern science is wrong and "Einstein's Special Relativity Theory is all a mistake", according to a confused loony visionary with an endlessly entertaining Q&A:
Q: How do heavy objects rest on a table without its molecules giving way, collapsing the table?
A: Science has no viable explanation for this today. This mystery is similar to the mystery of the fridge magnet.
Erm, okay.
Q: If our universe isn't the bizarre place Einstein claimed it is, why is there apparently so much experimental support?
A: Mistakes, logical errors, and coincidence explains much of this.
If it weren't for those pesky mistakes and coincidences he'd be recognised for the genius he is.
Q: But don't the famous Double-Slit experiments verify both the wave theory of light and its bizarre quantum-mechanical particle nature?
A: No. In fact, quite the opposite. For generations, science teachers have simply repeated this erroneous belief without thinking it through.
He's even written a book. According to the Amazon listing customers who bought it also bought 'Who Built the Moon?', another book which isn't afraid to ask the big questions:
Could it be that the Moon has been artificially constructed? An extraordinary question, but one that is argued persuasively with compelling evidence and astonishing conclusions.
Oh dear.
08 Sept 2005
I have long suspected that the main effect of governments - however unintentionally - is to mess stuff up: By contrast, some people displayed pluck and initiative.
08 Sept 2005
Writes Tim Hinchliffe of Beckenham in today's 'Independent' letters:
It is undeniably heartless to deny charity to the needy of Louisiana just because one disapproves of the policies of their nation's leader. I don't imagine those are poor, black Republicans that I see on my TV screen, and making them shoulder the blame for George Bush is only as sensible as suggesting that I am personally responsible for Tony Blair.
There remains, however, an overwhelming and overriding reason for not giving money to America, which is that America already has most of the world's money. It just prefers to give it to Halliburton and Exxon, rather than people who need it. ...
And thus Timmy deflects responsiblity for his self-proclaimed "undeniable heartlessness" away from himself and onto the evil Halliburton. He does not realise, or choses to ignore, that donating money is the best way of making sure money gets directly to people who need it.
08 Sept 2005
The Milton Keynes Museum has an exhibition of lawn mowers, and another of telephones.
08 Sept 2005
walesinabottle.com - selling bottles of air from Snowdon and the Brecon Beacons.
08 Sept 2005
Oh yes, putting a collar with a bell on her at the weekend really saved the local fauna from her ravages. not fearsome - just yawning

03 Sept 2005
The definitive word so far on the hurricane comes from Foamy The Squirrel, reporting live from Louisiana by payphone.
WARNINGS: Needs Flash™, includes much swearing.
03 Sept 2005
Strange behaviour:
Hamas has for the first time made details of its top military commanders public.
Good. That will make it easier to kill them.
03 Sept 2005
The little-known history of cholera, brought to you by the Guardian letters page:
In the 19th century, when homeopathy was shown to be successful in cholera epidemics...
Riiight.
Let us allocate serious research funds for the use of homeopathy for health problems that appear to have no solution, like tuberculosis, cholera, ebola and malaria.
Ebola? Oh yes, that'll be splendid. Just what you need when you're puking and pooing a rich mixture of blood and guts - some drops of pure water which someone once wafted a leaf at. I'm sure that'll help a lot.
03 Sept 2005
Sidney Blumenthal gets stuck into what's really important... blaming George Bush for the flooding of New Orleans:
A year ago the US army corps of engineers proposed to study how New Orleans could be protected from a catastrophic hurricane, but the Bush administration ordered that the research not be undertaken.
If a study had been started a year ago it would still be being studied and had no practical effect on Katrina. Back to Sidney:
The Bush administration's policy of turning over wetlands to developers almost certainly has contributed to the heightened level of the storm surge. In 1990, a federal task force began restoring lost wetlands around New Orleans [until Bush destroyed the task force in 2003].
Let's see just how incredibly valuable this federal wetlands restoration task force was:
In 1990, the Breaux Act, named for its author, Sen. John Breaux, D-La., created a task force of several federal agencies to address the severe wetlands loss in coastal Louisiana. The act has brought about $40 million a year for wetland restoration projects, but it hasn't been enough. ...
University of New Orleans researchers studied the impact of Breaux Act projects on the vanishing wetlands and estimated that only 2 percent of the loss has been averted.
Bush destroyed a wetland restoration program which wasn't achieving anything. If Sidney's angry at people getting in the way of flood defence work just imagine how much angrier he must be at people who boast about it:
FACT: While politicians talk, SOWL [Save Our Wetlands] sues! SOWL has been involved in countless lawsuits involving Lake Ponchartrain on every subject....from the New Orleans Levee Board Airport Expansion Plan, Bucktown Marina Expansion Plan, New Orleans mosquito control drainage schemes in wetlands of New Orleans East, ... Corps of Engineers hurricane barrier project...
FACT: SOWL SAVED LAKE PONCHARTRAIN - In 1977, SOWL obtained an injunction from U.S. District Judge Charles Schwartz enjoining the Corps of Engineers from building a billion dollar dam at the Chef Mentaur Rigolets Fort Pike Area, where the Gulf of Mexico enters into Lake Ponchartrain. ...
FACT: SOWL has always fought bitterly against the United States Army Corps of Engineers. ...
Oddly enough, Sidney doesn't give them even a passing mention.
More, including historical background, on funding cuts and inadequate flood defences:
In a telephone interview with reporters, corps officials said that although portions of the flood-protection levees remain incomplete, the levees near Lake Pontchartrain that gave way--inundating much of the city--were completed and in good condition before the hurricane. However, they noted that the levees were designed for a Category 3 hurricane and couldn't handle the ferocious winds and raging waters from Hurricane Katrina, which was a Category 4 storm when it hit the coastline. The decision to build levees for a Category 3 hurricane was made decades ago based on a cost-benefit analysis. ...
A project to build up the levees to withstand a Category 3 hurricane was launched in 1965 after Hurricane Betsy and was supposed to be completed in 10 years, but it remains incomplete because of a lack of funding. ...
A lack of planning and resources, and excess of complacency and incompetence on this subject goes back 40 years and includes the state and city governments, too.
01 Sept 2005
Before you go to see the film, make sure you read Jonathan the media activist's extensive commentary:
Willy Wonka and the Racism Factory
This is the third re-incarnation of Roald Dahl's controversial story over the past four decades. As such, it is instructive to examine its transformation in relation to issues of racism and colonialism. ...
It continues, at some length, and it's not a parody.
01 Sept 2005
What I saw on my holidays. Mainly mountains.
29 Aug 2005
Another breakthrough in North Korean medical science, with the 1/f Fluctuation Treatment System:
The computer-aided system, the third generation of body-stimulating treatment system, is based on the principle of 1/f fluctuation common to the natural world and the living body. It controls labor pain and homeostasis.
The 1/f fluctuation system with sound effects of famous songs gives impetus to the part of disease and thus treats patients while they feel pleasant and comfortable. ...
Also effective against insomnia, autonomic imbalance, hypertension, brachialgia, sciatica, backache and much much more.

In other workers' paradise news, a new hyper-nutritious horseradish "cures cancer at the initial stage without any medical treatment".
28 Aug 2005
US Patent Number 5,993,336: "Method of executing a tennis stroke".
A method of using a tennis racket during tennis play so as to execute a tennis forehand stroke, comprising:
covering a first knee of a tennis player with a knee pad during tennis play, said tennis player having a second knee and two feet, wherein during said tennis play, the tennis player holds a tennis racket with at least one arm of said tennis player...
It's remembering to point out that a tennis player has two feet and will be holding a tennis racket that distinguishes a great patent lawyer from an average patent lawyer.
28 Aug 2005
What a great poster: 'Mr Peanut Goes To War!'
28 Aug 2005
I thought this thing with people on display at the zoo was just a pretentious piece of performance art, but no... it turns out to be a chilling exercise in psychological warfare, another step along the road to global enslavement:
Image: BBC Terrifying instruments of psychological warfare.
Don't be deceived. This is not a frivolous publicity stunt but the kind of psy-op we are going to see more of. Psychological warfare conquers the target population by changing its self-perception.
With Great Britain fast becoming a police state, the caged population must see itself in animal terms. It must not insist on privacy, dignity, freedom and other "human" rights. ...
The enemies of Western Civilization, occult bankers headquartered in the City of London, have constructed a totalitarian police state. They want people to think of themselves as animals, better to harness, herd, breed and cull.
So says Henry Makow, author of 'Henry's Quest For a Disturbingly Young Mail-Order Bride'.
The spectators at the London Zoo won't find it so amusing when they are in the cages, and feeding time has been cancelled.
So there. That's you told.
Also at the Truth Seeker today is the shock news that Wayne "Quality Journalism" Madsen has been targetted for assassination. OMG!
27 Aug 2005
Remember, folks, it's all about the alien lizards:
Iraq is just an example of what other nations can expect who resist being ruled by Alien Lizards posing as humans claiming they are bringing democrazy [sic] to their country. Who's next? Iran? America? Will they silence the protestors of America by destroying it?
According to her, most things are about the alien lizards.
27 Aug 2005
Hmmm...
"Billy" Eduard Albert Meier was born in Bülach, Switzerland on February 3, 1937. For over 56 years, he has maintained a series of physical and telepathic contacts with extraterrestrial beings who claim they come from the Plejares star cluster. Acting as a mediator and spokesperson for the Pleiadians / Plejaren from planet Erra, Eduard Meier imparts their fascinating, esoteric teachings and wisdom to us and assists them in their monumental task of guiding Earth mankind back to the path we have left so long ago. Billy's contacts with extraterrestrials began at age five when he was prepared for his life's work through the teachings of Sfath, an extraterrestrial man from the Plejares. ...
You might have thought that if aliens wanted to impart their teachings to us they'd land on the lawn of the Max Planck Society rather than chatting to some guy in the mountains.
27 Aug 2005
CatsInSinks.com:
What is Cats in Sinks? It's obvious. It's about cats. And kittens. Who like sinks. And basins. And that's it.

27 Aug 2005
I got a reply to my enquiry about whether the BBC will be repeating a flagship documentary series:
Currently there are no immediate plans to repeat the Power Of Nigthmares. At the moment there are also no plans to broadcast the feature film either. Sorry not to be able to provide you with more information at this stage.
That's a great shame, especially as the series made such impressive use of spooky background music - which is an important component of any serious documentary.
NB: I got the reply a month ago: the delay in posting it here is entirely my fault.
26 Aug 2005
MIT Media Lab's done it again. The people who brought us the hyperviolin are set to revolutionise our lives with cuddly robot squirrels.
Current mobile communication devices do not grab our attention in a socially appropriate way. To improve on this, I have built the Cellular Squirrel... The user can whisper and listen to her squirrel, receiving and replying to voice instant messages. ...
Media Lab must be a fascinating place to work - it's populated by people who think it's more socially appropriate to talk to your cuddly squirrel than to answer the phone.
26 Aug 2005
Criminal mastermind comes unstuck:
A thief who was caught on eight cameras as he stole a laptop from a CCTV shop [called "CCTV Surveillance Solutions"] has been sentenced by a court.
His nickname... "Mr Stupid".
25 Aug 2005
Following the violent cowing of a farmer, a spokesman for Stop Huntingdon Animal Cruelty is shocked (shocked!) that people accuse his group of intimidation:
[Greg Avery] said Shac had no intention of threatening people. "Look at our website ... where is the intimidation?"...
Yes, let's look at your website. Let's see the sort of opinions and "action reports" which appear there. Oddly, some seem to have vanished for the moment from the SHAC server, but copies of what was there are retained in Google's cache: There's more, but I'm getting bored. It's certainly a puzzle, where people get the idea from that SHAC are a bunch of thugs.
25 Aug 2005
When sea anemones attack:
Clashing colonies of sea anemones fight as organized armies with distinct castes of warriors, scouts, reproductives and other types ... Anemones that contact an animal from another colony will fight, hitting each other with special tentacles that leave patches of stinging cells stuck to their opponent. ... As the tide covers the colonies, "scouts" move out into the border to look for empty space to occupy. Larger, well-armed "warriors" inflate their stinging arms and swing them around. ...
You couldn't make this sort of stuff up.
25 Aug 2005
Whatever would we do without terrorism experts?
Venues where crowds gather are likely to be at risk [of attack], he added.
Wow, I'm amazed.

In other terrorism news, the Home Secretary has been told not to kick out people calling for us to be killed in large numbers because that might make some people unhappy:
Charles Clarke has been warned that moves to expel radical preachers, which could begin by the weekend, could backfire by turning extremists into martyrs...
That would be terrible. Personally I'm more concerned about people turning themselves into martyrs through the use of explosives in crowded places.
24 Aug 2005
I'm just getting photos sorted out from my time in the Alps. There's wildlife! There's hills! There's brilliant warning signs!
Warning: please don't stumble. A marmot. Warning: please don't fall off a cliff. A kitten. Warning: please don't fall in any crevasses.
24 Aug 2005
Real life is determined to stay stranger than any fiction. Japanese police (who are real) have really arrested a man for unleashing virtual robots into a multiplayer computer game which then mugged real people's virtual characters so that he could sell the stolen virtual items for real money. This could be fun...
In Japan, as in England, there are no specific laws to govern trade in virtual possessions.
Noteworthy for its weirdness, but I can't imagine he's committed any crime. Wildly uninformed legal speculation follows.
As combat is a part of the game it is presumably expected that players' characters may be attacked and pillaged by other players' characters. Nothing illegal about that. Nothing illegal about selling virtual items for real money, either (not something I'd buy but hey, if that's how people want to spend their money...). If it's legal to steal virtual things from virtual people in a virtual world and sell those things for real money, then enlisting a band of accomplices to help you can hardly be illegal. That those accomplices happen to be bits of software makes no serious difference. He certainly cheated and should be kicked out of the game, and those who play the game ought to scoff at him and shun him, but I can't see how he's done anything criminal. More likely that he'll be prosecuted under some crazy law about breaking draconian software licence agreements.
23 Aug 2005
Today marks a sad victory for barbarous thuggery, as a farm closes following a campaign of intimidation, violence, arson, vandalism and grave robbery. Next in line to suffer such treatment: anyone else such "campaigners" don't like.
23 Aug 2005
Relationship advice from Saudi Arabia's leading English language newspaper: knock your woman about a bit if she gets too mouthy. Experts recommend it!
A rebellious woman who is not moved by kind works, persuasion and admonition is a woman of no feeling and must therefore be punished by beating. Psychiatrists tell us of people, including women, for whom a cure lies in beating. ...
'Arab News': making the 21st century look like the 19th.
22 Aug 2005
Don't worry, I'm not dead - I've just got back from 2 weeks in the French, Italian and Swiss alps. Much cheese was consumed, marmots were sighted (hah!), and my fears of being eaten turned out to be baseless. Photographs and pithy, perceptive comments on mountains, the countries visited and cheese may follow soon. Or maybe not, depending on whether I can be bothered.
06 Aug 2005
If Squander2 liked that, he'll love this.
Fintan Dunne, the perceptive genius who brought us news that Fathers4Justice are part of a secret plot to turn Britain into a dictatorship, has indentified another insidious threat to our freedom. It turns out, see, that there's a massive CIA plot to stifle dissent on the internet and it includes - but is by no means limited to - George Monbiot, Al-Jazeera, the obsessively fixated Move On, Counterpunch, Common Dreams and even David "beware of shape-changing alien lizards" Icke, who are all "promoting the psyop agendas and disinformation themes of the covert controllers". Fintan stands alone in a sea of deception! But Fintan will expose them, even if they do call him a maniac or a mossad agent!
06 Aug 2005
Assorted strangeness from the pages of Pravda:
02 Aug 2005
The Hyper Dimensional Resonator is a time travel device invented by Steve Gibb. By providing a pulsed magnetic field the advanced yet intuitively controlled machine can have a powerful time-shifting effect. Be sure to read the advanced users' tutorial and study the videos before attempting any time travel.

Mr Gibb was interviewed in August last year by the incomparably batty Sherry Shriner. The whole thing's worth listening to but so that you don't have to download the entire hour-long audio file I extracted the choicest moments. You can hear Steve relate his introduction to time travel, then rigorously explain the theory and practise of his machine's operation. A friend's foray into the year 2150 is briefly described, as is the downside of time travel - such as nocturnal unarmed combat with satan and having romantic evenings go horribly wrong.
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