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(my PGP key, and you can get PGP from here)
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An apparent attempt to blow up a McDonald's drive-in restaurant in northern Italy was foiled on Sunday but the suspected terrorist died when his car exploded with him strapped inside.Fortunately no serious damage was done. The BBC invaluably tells us:
His gesture raises the spectre of emulation of Islamic terrorist activity by disturbed or depressed individuals.As opposed to the sort carried out by those well-balanced mentally stable individuals. Does it seem odd to anyone else that the BBC describe the man as a "victim" instead of an "attacker" and his action as a "gesture" instead of an "attack", "attempted murder" or at least "attempted arson"?
The European Union faces "paralysis" if it fails to agree a new constitution once it grows in May, says Tony Blair. ...Oh, hang on, he means that would be a bad thing. Because we can't have the EU turning into a fossilised lump of bureaucratic uselessness, now can we?
"Today I suffer from the injury of not knowing who I am, having no nationality or ethnic group as a result of acts committed by these parties"Having no nationality? A useful hint here may be that she is described as one of "the American plaintiffs". So there you are, dear, you're American. Glad I could help sort that one out. From the 'Guardian':
Antoinette Harrell-Miller, another of the claimants, said: 'Like any other ethnic group living in America, I have the right to know who I am. Lloyd's of London and others must repair the damage they caused.'While the suffering of the original slaves was truly terrible, I get the impression the only injury these plaintiffs have suffered is that they're uncertain of who their distant ancestors were, and where they were from. In other words: "I want millions from Lloyd's because I can't trace my family tree". I'm no lawyer, but I can't imagine that standing up in court.
And so it is written that Saul, on the road to Damascus, did look upon a Pecan tree and think "Yea verily - that bark doth look quite like a man with a beard, if you get it in the right light." Then he walketh on further and did come upon a sheep. And the sheep had a squiggly pattern on its coat and Saul did look upon the sheep and think "Yea verily - that pattern in the fleece looks a bit like 'jehovah', sort of, if you tilt your head to one side and squint". And Saul was mighty impressed by The Power Of The Lord.
Thousands of angry opposition supporters have staged a noisy demonstration in Taipei, accusing President Chen Shui-bian of orchestrating an assassination attempt to swing elections in his favour. ... Conspiracy theories have abounded since Mr Chen and Vice President Annette Lu escaped with only minor injuries after the apparent assassination attempt.You see? Only minor injuries. So instead of a failed assassination, the shooting must have been arranged by the president himself. Obviously expert marksmen who specialise in slightly wounding people would need to be employed, firing special not-very-dangerous bullets. And the surgeons would have to be in on the act, plus the presidential security team. Not to mention the president and vice president themselves, who would need to stand still and get shot on cue. Oh yes, it all sounds very plausible to me...
In other news, Litigious George is shocked (shocked!) that Jack Straw wanted to class Hamas as a terrorist organisation:
from that [catastrophic decision to declare Hamas terrorists] the tragic consequences inevitably flowed...Tragic. Catastrophic. Dead Hamas leader. *emote* Very unfortunate. All sad. Boo hoo. *snif*
No one has begun to work out the implications of [Yassin's killing]. For years, there has been an unwritten rule in the cruel war of government-versus-guerrilla. You can kill the men on the street, the bomb-makers and gunmen, but the leadership was allowed to survive.Oh, it's disconcerting. Let's hope this new idea of targetting the top people doesn't catch on, heh? I suspect Israelis would be delighted if Hamas and Islamic Jihad made efforts to assassinate the Israeli leadership rather than spending their resources on blowing up buses and cafes.Now all has changed utterly. [...] So who can be surprised if the rules are broken by the other side?
The top guys are now in the firing line. Let us not say we didn't know.
Prediction time! In the event of Ariel Sharon's assassination Robert Fisk won't use the word "murder", and his article will have the following upbeat and optimistic gist:
The death of this extreme nationalist provides a welcome opportunity for moderate voices within Israel to make themselves heard. Now finally, after years of desperation, the removal of the old soldier and war criminal obsessed with the language of death and confrontation gives a chance to those previously sidelined elements to move the peace process forwards.(Link to Fisk's article via Michele.)
Hamas has few serious weapons such as anti-tank weapons and Stinger missiles that could bring down aircraft, or access to a dirty bomb or to chemical and biological weapons. Its armoury is limited.Poor dears.
[Yassin] repeatedly said in interviews he would welcome the opportunity for "martyrdom", to die a violent death as so many of his followers have done in suicide bombings, gun battles and from Israeli assassination.Splendid. Israel's happy, Yassin's happy. Why the shock and sorrow? It's a win-win scenario.
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A protestor in Paris wears a silly hat (right), while a protestor in London can't think of a slogan (above). |
"Account Overdue! percolate beacon orleans aureola belief tad inaccurate"Ah, if only real world junk mailers would send similarly worded stuff:
Dear Mr Hiinklej,And another thing. How come I live in a 1st floor flat but keep getting brochures for garden furniture, of all things, pushed through my letter box? Some demographic profiler's messed up badly there.
splendid jackhammer rivulets
You have been eclusively preselected to qualify for our new Wizzo+ Extra Card featuring potentially crippling credit limits and exorbitant interest rates. Rabbits mahogany gesticulate impressively!
pyramid landfill sideways performance. If interested in this offer, please return the enclosed form. Spanish noodle basket.
Yours etc,
some company or other
gyrate himalayas cheese sandwich
"It was a rather famous case but it involved another Labour MP, who is no longer in the parliament,"I can't believe I'm saying this, but... I believe him. I don't believe him when he says the article was a "deliberately malicious smear, on a Goebellian scale". It seems a lot more like bad quality work by a columnist with a penchant for the sexual and scandalous (such as, say, Julie Burchill). Reaching for his lawyers is an overreaction when he could easily rebutt the charge by pointing out the facts of the knicker-stealing, home-smashing incident.
So who really was the famous knicker-stealing Labour MP? Once we know that we can draw a line under the whole sorry incident and get on with our lives.
George Galloway, the Respect Member of Parliament, will be seeking a writ against The Times on Monday over a 'gross defamation' in today's [Saturday's] Julie Burchill column in the newspaper. Respect will also be taking legal advice on what damages it can obtain. [...] "This is a deliberately malicious, malignly-motivated smear, on a Goebellian scale. It's unbelievable that such gross untruths could appear in the newspaper without, apparently, being checked by anyone – certainly not a lawyer – for veracity. I will be seeking an apology and substantial damages," he said.Well of course he said that. You see, it's okay for George to call people fools, liars, murderers and war criminals, but it's not okay for anyone else to call George a repugnant, corrupt, morally bankrupt apologist for tyranny. Not that I would personally describe him like that, you understand - he's far too litigious. I merely speculate that if anyone did describe him like that he'd make pompous legal threats. And it's odd that he describes himself as the "Respect Member of Parliament", because his constituents have never had a chance to vote on that. He was elected as a Labour Party MP. When he was expelled from the Labour Party he could have resigned his seat and forced a byelection, standing as an independent. Then we'd all know whether his constituents really voted for him personally or for the Labour Party candidate. But he chose not to do that, which seems rather odd behaviour for such a keen exponent of democracy (*cough*) as George.
I've searched and I've searched, but I can't find the offending 'Times' article anywhere. Bonus brownie points to anyone who can send me a link. Was it really a "smear on a Goebellian scale"? I feel we ought to know.
Scotty: Captain, we're stuck in a smoking timewarp. She cannae take it much longer!
Kirk: Well... can't you reverse the polarity of the neutron field, or something?
Scotty: Don't you mean "reverse the polarity of the tachyon pulse generator", captain?
Kirk: Oh. Yes. What you said. The tachyon pulse generator.
Spock: Captain, may I suggest it might be more logical to invert the phase of the technobabble modulator.
Kirk: Very well. Scotty, invert the phase of the technobabble modulator!
Scotty: Aye, sir, and while I'm at it I'll boost the warp core antimatter flux cycle.
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Another convenient propaganda spectacle of "terrorism" has been staged for political purposes. WE WILL HAVE NO FUTURE UNLESS WE MAKE EXPOSING THESE DEADLY POLITICAL SPECTACLES PRIORITY NUMBER 1! Who really had motive, means, and opportunity to set this up? [...] Spanish officials have motives for telling lies to scapegoat the Basques now. It's your Reichstag Fire, Europe. Expose it with all your might, or Fascism will soon follow. [...] Figure out how they could frame the needed patsies and scapegoats. Put the hidden truth in banners at every protest. Write the most persuasive letters you can to every newspaper and MP. Denounce the bogus propaganda spectacles in resonant songs. [...]Riiiight... so George Bush (having engineered September 11th) thanks Aznar for his political support by blowing up lots of Spaniards. Yeah. Hmmm. No wonder Indymedia is such an enthusiastic forum for the legalisation of drugs.The spanish goverment will benefit, just as the DC did in Italy with american under hand help, perhaps GW was paying his buddy back for sticking his neck out over the war. The spanish punters in general were against the war with Iraq
The grammatically disabled 'backdraft' seems to believe the Americans did it:
Asking who's behind these murderous crime it doesn't make sense for ETA to strengthen Aznar and his party by random bombing civilians `cause he is a deadly enemy and uncompromising against any dialogue. [...] There is no sense for Al Quaida to bomb civilians 'cause 90 percent of spain civilians have denunciate the raid on Iraq. The question is who can capitalize on fear, rage and panic. Who can protect us by total control, by lashing civil law to establish a Orwell Europe, a Orwell America. [...] Definitely others are behind these attacks as presented on the platter [...] Anything else? The mother of all assaults before elections, may be a final bombing in London or the grandmother of all assaults in USAF two weeks before the Bush cretin will be reelected by election-machines. Al-Qaida is always on the spot when Bush need them. Peculiar, isn't it?While the reliably vile cartoonist Latuff suggests the Spanish government was responsible, showing Aznar leaning out of the locomotive window cheering as the carriages explode:
Who will profit from the bomb attacks in Spain, just days before the elections?The destination board of the train reads "ETA No - Aznar Yes".
Carlos, who is serving life for a triple murder in Paris in 1975, admitted being involved in the deaths of more than 1,500 people. [...] In her book, 'Marrying Carlos: high-tension love', Ms Coutant-Peyre details how she succumbed to his legendary charms while representing him.Ah yes, those legendary charms of the murderous sociopath:
"I love you, Pumpkin."
"I love you too, Honey Bunny, and I could snap that beautiful neck of yours like a dry twig."
[Tony Blair's speech] hypes the threat. Yes, a terror group with a usable nuclear device would be a grave danger. But no, it would not in any way be an existential threat to even a single country, let alone "civilisation".Yeah, come on people... relax. Just how bad could a nuclear-armed Al-Qaida possibly be?
Firstly, an explanation for overseas readers of why I thought what follows is so funny. There is, in Britain, a comical magazine called 'Viz'. Its pages are populated with an array of grotesque caricatures such as Student Grant the feckless pretentious student and Roger Mellie (the man on the telly!) the talentless primadonna B-list celebrity. The humour is unashamedly peurile, often scatological and thrives on stereotypes. One of the 'Viz' characters is Millie Tant (pictures, right) - a man-hating, angry, shaven-headed, boot-wearing, politically lesbian feminist activist loudly demanding "Equal Rights For Fat Ugly Wimmin!" and blaming everything on evil men who keep oppressing her.
Okay, so now everyone's clued in on the background cultural references. From the organisers of the Global Women’s Strike comes the unintentionally comic subpoena to "Prime Minister Tony Blair & his government, and his master George W Bush":
YOU ARE REQUIRED TO APPEAR: AT A WOMEN’S COURT IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE, LONDON Saturday 6 March at 3pmImagine the scene in Downing St: "Ohmygod, now I'm in trouble! Me and my master, George W Bush."
YOU ARE CHARGED WITH CRIMES AT HOME AND ABROAD, including but not limited to: war crimes including genocide, murder, torture, rape, terrorism, perjury (lying!), supporting coups, perverting the course of justice, poisoning, drug abuse (with pharmaceutical accomplices), environmental offences leading to the destruction of communities, countries and the planet ......and every other earthly ill...
... All charges filed before, during and after 6 March will be considered by A JURY OF TWELVE ANGRY WOMEN on behalf of women in over 60 countries ...
Not only a JURY OF TWELVE ANGRY WOMEN but by the looks of an accompanying photograph a jury of twelve angry crudely painted cardboard cut-out women. This just gets more judicial by the moment. Faced with the prospect of judgement by a dozen hostile placards Tony Blair (and his master George W Bush) might consider not attending, but they've thought of that...
FAILURE TO ATTEND OR A GUILTY VERDICT: will result in immediate loss of office, imprisonment and having to pay compensation for all those everywhere who have been hurt by your actions.Oh yeah, and how are they going to immediately get Tony Blair (and his master George W Bush) out of office and into prison? How much compensation? Paid to who? Imprisonment for how long? Trivial details... no doubt these matters can be worked out after the revolution.
(The link to that came from Indymedia UK, a rich seam of untapped comic goodness.)
[Governor Ibrahim Shekarau of Kano, Nigeria] promised to make human development the main focus of his administration and also pledged to implement Sharia, strict Islamic law...'cos human development and punishments like stoning to death for such heinous crimes as adultery go hand in hand. But anyway, I digress. Onto the substance:
Governor Shekarau is a down to earth person.Too right! How much more down to earth (and human-development-focused) can you get than saying it's "wiser to sacrifice a few children to polio today" than fall victim to a mythical western plot to render women infertile? Oh, hang on... I got that wrong... the guy's a raving lunatic who would be comical if not for the fact he's wrecking people's lives.
[He] maintains that Kano state will only allow the polio vaccination exercise to be held if his trusted scientists are proved wrong. ... any agency or government contesting the results of the findings of his scientists must bring their own scientists to work alongside his trusted team... If his scientists are proved wrong, then and only then will he give in.At which point the reader may feel inclined to ask "who are his 'trusted scientists' which the article mentions three times, and what is their evidence?" but is left uninformed. Come on, BBC, all you've done with that article is reprint the Governor's official press release. That is the starting point from which they should start asking questions and... dare I suggest... do some actual journalism.
You object that we tried [mass protest] last year, and failed. If the biggest demonstration in British history couldn't change the way the country was run, what could? And of course it's true that we failed to stop the war with Iraq. (It may also be true that we helped to stop the wars with Iran, North Korea, Syria, Yemen, Somalia and all the other nations the idiotocracy in Washington had lined up for invasion.)Oh yes, I can see the Oval Office now... George Bush Jnr cursing and fretting "Dammit, if it weren't for that Monbiot guy we'd be in Tehran and Damascus by now!"
Before then, there had been lots of big talk (from me among others) of blocking motorways, disrupting ministers' speeches, occupying public buildings. But, as British people so often do, everyone waited for everyone else to act.Alternatively, people thought it all sounded rather silly.
Saudi investigators are grilling some 50 people for allegedly attending a gay wedding in the city of Medina, a newspaper reported on Monday... The incident has shocked Saudi Arabia, where gay marriage is banned..."where gay marriage is banned"? What an interesting way of saying "where homosexuality is punishable by death".
Mass looting and sabotage in post-war Iraq could have been reduced and lives saved if US troops had been equipped with non-lethal weapons. ... Council On Foreign Relations. ... calls for better equipment and training for the US troops to deal with post-conflict and peacekeeping duties. ... leading think-tank suggests that another problem was the lack of suitable training and equipment to deal with civil disorder - in particular the failure to deploy and use non-lethal weapons. ...Of course, if they had loaded up with non-lethals people would have squealed about what a terrible war crime was being commited. Post-war looting and sabotage could have been greatly reduced without any special non-lethal weapons and training if US troops had simply shot looters and saboteurs on sight, but I imagine that would have been newsworthy in its own right too.
Given that every non-lethal weapon an army carries gives it room for one less old-fashioned lethal one, and every hour soldiers train with them is one less hour they can train in such traditional soldierly activites as shooting and running and jumping, I'm betting it will be a long time until an army goes to war carrying crowd control equipment.
Some nice goats' cheese rounded off dinner tonight, and I noticed its wrapper carried some absolutely essential helpful comment for those with allergies (photo, right). I really do wonder how some people manage to get through life, if they need a little label to tell them that cheese could set off their dairy allergy. Do such people really exist or are they just figments of personal injury lawyers' imaginations?
Fine cheese, though, as goats' cheese tends to be. Mild, creamy and tasty.
Oh, and what's this? Undeclared enrichment equipment?
Brought to you as part of an ongoing series.
A huge push to eradicate polio has begun in 10 West African countries. The immunisation drive, billed as the final effort to wipe out polio, will cover some 60m children in three days. However, the northern Nigerian states of Kano and Zamfara are refusing to cooperate until, they say, the vaccine has been confirmed as safe. [...] Kano suspended immunisations following reports by Muslim clerics that the vaccine was contaminated with an anti-fertility agent as part of a US plot to render Muslim women infertile. [...]I bet those particular clerics have great web pages - featuring the whole arsenal of overuse of block caps, mutlicoloured text and lurid purple backgrounds, sort of like this...
Polio 'vaccine' is plot to render OUR WOMEN INFERTILE! And never trust dentists, all DENTISTS work for CIA and put RADIOS IN MY TEETH! Black helicopters SIGHTED, they spray CHEMICALS to subdue population for easy enslavement. Also PYRAMID GEOMETRY RECALCULATED - truth REVEALED!!!(Lunatic conspiracy rant inspired by assorted crank.net content.)
"Isn't it obvious that Boris Yeltsin has been killed by the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force and replaced by an agent of Tony Blair who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force is planning to bring world civilisation to an end when the agent of Tony Blair assassinates William Hague. The only solution is for Elvis to stop the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force and Tony Blair, which is impossible unless NATO will pass a resolution to allow the public to own main battle tanks."And I like its strap line - "telling you what you need to know before you know you need to know it".
As for the hand grenade, police say, the woman had no idea it was in her vehicle.Oh, okay then. Who among us can honestly say someone hasn't left a hand grenade in our car's glove compartment at some time?
It probably belongs to her husband, who reportedly works for the US military.
Other reports of the incident here and here.
*sigh*. 17 year old killed in "mysterious blast" in Gaza City, said blast also wounding his father, mother and 9 year old brother.Palestinian security sources said it appeared the blast was caused by a hand grenade exploding accidentally.Ah, yes, one of those embarassing teenager-plays-with-hand-grenade situations ("He looked a bit surprised when we walked in, then the next thing we knew it just went off in his hand.").
I mean, for crying out loud, if you must take up arms to crush the forces of zionism, don't do it where your little brother will catch the shrapnel when you have a "oops, butterfingers!" moment with a grenade.
In the spirit of international peace and playing my part as a member of the World Society Of Younger Brothers Not Wanting Clumsy Older Brothers To Blow Them To Pieces, I have produced the graphic at right. Hopefully it illustrates the essentially non-frivolous nature of hand grenades. I would be grateful if someone with appropriate contacts could translate it into Arabic and distribute copies in Gaza. The local nine year olds will thank you for it.
A diplomat said the discovery of designs for gas centrifuges was not because of Iranian co-operation but "good inspection work by the IAEA". He said Iran only admitted it had the designs after the energy agency showed evidence it knew it had them.This wouldn't possibly have anything to do with a nuclear bomb program so that pesky zionist entity can be annihilated, would it?
Iranian Foreign Minister Kamal Kharrazi denied on Thursday that the country was pursuing a nuclear weapon.That's okay then. Nothing to see here, move along...
I absolutely recommend Wild Adventures for walking / outdoors holiday activities, and if you're staying in Aviemore then you could do a lot worse than the Cairngorm Guest House. But be warned that if you're staying in Aviemore then you couldn't do much worse than drinking in 'The Winking Owl' (allegedly "Aviemore's traditional pub", in which case I pity Aviemore's traditional pubgoers) unless you enjoy a 70's-style / student bar experience and rancid beer. We were lured in by the board promising "award-winning cask ales"... god were we disappointed.
There's nothing funny about Garfield. Every single comic starts out the same: Garfield sits around being fat, he eats all the food, and his ambiguously gay owner yells at him.The cat eats food. Alright, WE GET IT. Move on ...
