Zionist Washing Machine Threat

By Telitubi Al-Djellibeybi
After reading my colleague Hassan Hanizadeh's insightful article exposing Al-Jazeerah as a zionist propoganda tool, I feel compelled to inform the Times' readers of another menace lurking in their homes and communities, inserted into our society by equally wily undercover Israeli operatives.

I speak, of course, of the washing machine.

While its laundry-automating appeal has a certain superficial attraction which has permitted it to infiltrate our lives this invention is in reality a sinister tool. You must have noticed the habit these machines have for "losing" socks. Just last week I swear upon all that's holy that the washing machine ate two of my socks, and I am sure it swallowed a pair of my underpants some time last month.

Washing machines first entered widespread use in Iran and the Arab world in the 1960s. By 1967 all armies in the region were using them for the washing of uniforms. So when Israel launched its onslaught on its unsuspecting neighbours that year how many socks of Arab soldiers were being oh-so-conveniently "lost" in these machines each week do you think? A lot of socks, no doubt along with many other items of underwear.

Tens of thousands of Egyptian and Jordanian and Syrian soldiers were unable to fight at full strength due to a lack of socks. Indeed, leading military experts say the shortage of socks - all of them devoured by washing machines - was a major factor in weakening the anti-zionist forces and stopping them from forcing the jews into the sea (not that there was any intent to force the jews into the sea, you understand: an equitable 2-state solution always being the desired outcome).

So Arab peoples were hypnotised by the false promise of effortless laundry into paying money to foreign corporations, to buy machines which in turn rendered their armies useless, just before the zionist entity launched a wickedly unprovoked assault. Quite a coincidence. Ask yourself who benefits from all this.

The corporations making these devilish devices are all owned by zionists operating through front companies, a world in which Mossad has long experience. The very fact that so many of the manufacturing companies appear to to be Japanese or Korean is intended to divert attention from the fact they are controlled from the secret underground headquarters of the Global Zionist Conspiracy on the other side of the world. But sometimes the Israeli becomes overconfident in his deceptions and gives himself away. Quite a coincidence that one of the companies is called "Zannusi", don't you think? "Zannusi". "Zionist". Same number of syllables, same length, both start with the same letter and have some of the same letters in them. The Israeli agents have been practically laughing in our faces all along.

I telephoned to demand to speak to the chief executive officer of this "Zannusi" company, but only got as far as his secretary. When I confronted her with my knowledge of Zion-nusi's complicity in global jewish hegemony she didn't even try to produce a single shred of evidence to refute the allegation. Instead she impertinently said "You are a crazy man" and abruptly hung up! Trying to run from an argument in this way is classic evidence of guilt.

Some experts in zionist conspiracy have also expressed the opinion that washing machines may have more advanced capabilities beyond merely eating socks. Some of them make a really annoying rattling noise which sounds quite suspicious. Perhaps they contain a capsule which can be activated by radio signal to release poison into the clothes during the spin cycle. In fact, that might be how they managed to poison Yasser Arafat - by getting to him through his underpants. Connect the dots, people.

Next week I will reveal the decades-old hidden scandal of how it is Mossad which has been going around loosening the concrete paving slabs in public places, so that people stub their toes or trip over.